Wednesday, March 14, 2007

A Tale of 2 Rotten Brewed Drinks - Recipe For Diarrhea?

Rotten brewed drink #1 was yesterday when I was craving a Lipton Brisk iced tea with lemon. I stopped at a local gas station and picked one up along with A teriyaki beef jerky stick. I took a bite of the beef jerky and all was well. Next I took a drink of the Brisk and it tasted rotten. I wrote off this rotteness as just a weird teriyaki after taste making the Brisk taste weird. This sometimes happens when you mix 2 different tasting things, ie - Toothpaste and Orange juice. Needless to say I drank half the bottle before I realized how rotten it was and looked at the date.. 1-10-06 YES 2006 not 2007, thats 1 year and 2 months past the drink by date. Drink by dates on pop usually just make the pop lose carbonation, but on tea that is brewed, it's not cool, trust me. So today I was going by McDonalds and saw a sign for "New Iced Mocha Latte" . Little did I know that this was going to be Rotten brewed drink #2, the possible second and final ingredient in the recipe for exploding diarrhea. So, I went through the drive thru and saw the price, $2.97? Wow, this must be a good drink with chocolately goodness for that price, I'll take it. I knew something was wrong when I saw the lady at the drive thru holding the clear plastic cup and it had no ice in it, WTF? Now I am not a hardcore coffee drinker or anything but I like a good iced coffee every now and then. I have had my fair share of iced mocha's and everyone contained ice. They brew the coffee strong so as the ice melts it doesn't water it down. Anyway, back to the McDonalds version. I said to myself, no big deal on the ice it will just be stronger, at least it had whipped cream on it! I took a drink, YECH! Rotten tasting. I thought to my self at this point, "I will mix it around with my straw and stir the whipped cream in". I first tasted it with my finger to make sure it was ok and it tasted fine. The stirring made it taste even worse and warmed it up a bit so it wasn't even really "iced" anymore. Needless to say, I drank the whole thing for the caffiene content. 5 hours later, I was driving down the road and had the worst gas pains I ever had in my life. I knew I had to crap and do it NOW! Luckily I was only 2 miles from my house when this started. The bad part, the guy in front of me was like 80 years old and driving 10 MPH slower than the speed limit. I finally made it home, flew into the house, ran into the bathroom and had exploding diarrhea. All I remember is my wife saying "That bad huh?" as I was running by. I also remember her making farting noises outside the door of the bathroom, in which I yelled "Leave me alone, I don't feel good". So was it the Brisk that brewed in my stomach for a day that did it? or was it the Iced Mocha? or a combination of both? Whatever it was, I think the lesson is, If it tastes rotten, then it is, and don't drink it. Also, McDonalds needs to stick with greasy fries and burgers, not fancy coffee drinks.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

So THIS is the story behind that craziness from earlier this afternoon! I'd say you should stop drinking things that don't taste right. Just like you wouldn't drink milk that smelled wrong or was chunky, it's a good rule of thumb that if it doesn't taste right to you it probably isn't. Let's hope you didn't get salmonellna poisoning or e-coli or anything.

For the record, if there isn't ICE in the iced drink there's something wrong and someone doesn't know what's going on. You really should be more careful next time, dearie.

Glen R said...

What a riveting blog, nothing is as entertaining as a good old crap explosion! :)

Ali B. said...

Fantastic! I have stumbled upon a blog that actually cracks me up... I'm being so sincere. I appreciate your honesty & now fully understand your connection gaseous Glen. :)

Anonymous said...

this is just halarious