Sunday, March 25, 2007

WAHOO, We won the Lottery.... DOH!

So, I am standing behind my work smoking on thursday thinking "man, I wish we had more money" when I looked down at my feet and spotted a lottery ticket. Oh, whats this? an Ohio lottery ticket. We live in Michigan (not too far from Ohio, about 50 miles) and strangely enough, I have never seen an Ohio lottery ticket. I inspected it while I smoked and noticed it had about 7 different drawings on it. It was raining and wet out that day so the ticket was soaked. I put it on the floor of my work van and ran the heat on low to dry it out. When the ticket dried out I inspected it some more. I noticed that the mega millions was played on the ticket along with a "kicker" number... to say the least, I was intrigued by this "kicker" number. I couldn't wait to get home and check this baby online. All the games on the ticket were for Wed, March 21st. I couldn't help thinking "this was a winner and someone dropped it". Anyway, I got home and showed Piper (my wife) and got on the computer to check it. The first thing I checked was this "kicker" number, and it matched!!!! HOLY COW, PIPER WE WON!!!! I looked at the prize - $100,000. Wow!!! Sugar Plum fairies were dancing in our heads! "We can pay off the bills" "We can take a vacation". So, I started looking at the rules and looking for a number to call so I could verify this. The rules were a little unclear as to how you actually win this "kicker". I was so hung up on this "kicker" that I didn't even check any of the other numbers. I called the 800 number for the Ohio lottery commission and got to a person. I explained to the person that the rules were a little unclear and I wasn't sure if I had won or not. The lady on the other end said "As long as the Kicker number matches, you've won". I hung up the phone and was pumped at this point, making plans to drive to Ohio to claim my prize. This had to be too good to be true so I called again. This time I gave the lady on the phone the serial numbers... "I am sorry sir, those are not valid" So I said, "well, maybe I read them wrong, I will give them to you again" This time as I was reading them back, I looked at the top of the ticket... "Winning Numbers For 3-21-07" and it hit me like a ton of bricks... This was just a printout of the winning numbers. I went back in and checked online with the other numbers... Sure enough, they were all matches.. I broke the news to Piper and we went from big pimps back to normal people in seconds flat. Oh well, at least now I know what it feels like.. :-(

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Wendys 4 Alarm Chicken Sandwich = Burning Butthole

So I saw an ad on TV for Wendy's new spicy 4 alarm chicken sandwich. I had to have one. What makes it 4 alarm is that it is spicy chicken, spicy pepper jack cheese, spicy chipolte sauce, and jalapeno peppers. It didn't taste spicy while I was eating it. I guess it was a little spicy, nothing out of the ordinary however. It was not very good to say the least and it gave me the worst case of burning butthole I have ever had in my life. The question is, don't the taste testers tell the Wendy's corp. that they get severe burning butthole the next day. Is the burning butthole just implied because of the nature of whats in the sandwich? Whatever the case may be, I think I will give my bowels a rest for awhile.

Thursday, March 15, 2007


I have been motivated to redo my web page:
I have not done any work on it in years and it needs a serious re-vamping. The new site URL is: I have added a link to the new site URL here on the blog page. Keep checking it frequently, I am going to be working on it slooooowly.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

A Tale of 2 Rotten Brewed Drinks - Recipe For Diarrhea?

Rotten brewed drink #1 was yesterday when I was craving a Lipton Brisk iced tea with lemon. I stopped at a local gas station and picked one up along with A teriyaki beef jerky stick. I took a bite of the beef jerky and all was well. Next I took a drink of the Brisk and it tasted rotten. I wrote off this rotteness as just a weird teriyaki after taste making the Brisk taste weird. This sometimes happens when you mix 2 different tasting things, ie - Toothpaste and Orange juice. Needless to say I drank half the bottle before I realized how rotten it was and looked at the date.. 1-10-06 YES 2006 not 2007, thats 1 year and 2 months past the drink by date. Drink by dates on pop usually just make the pop lose carbonation, but on tea that is brewed, it's not cool, trust me. So today I was going by McDonalds and saw a sign for "New Iced Mocha Latte" . Little did I know that this was going to be Rotten brewed drink #2, the possible second and final ingredient in the recipe for exploding diarrhea. So, I went through the drive thru and saw the price, $2.97? Wow, this must be a good drink with chocolately goodness for that price, I'll take it. I knew something was wrong when I saw the lady at the drive thru holding the clear plastic cup and it had no ice in it, WTF? Now I am not a hardcore coffee drinker or anything but I like a good iced coffee every now and then. I have had my fair share of iced mocha's and everyone contained ice. They brew the coffee strong so as the ice melts it doesn't water it down. Anyway, back to the McDonalds version. I said to myself, no big deal on the ice it will just be stronger, at least it had whipped cream on it! I took a drink, YECH! Rotten tasting. I thought to my self at this point, "I will mix it around with my straw and stir the whipped cream in". I first tasted it with my finger to make sure it was ok and it tasted fine. The stirring made it taste even worse and warmed it up a bit so it wasn't even really "iced" anymore. Needless to say, I drank the whole thing for the caffiene content. 5 hours later, I was driving down the road and had the worst gas pains I ever had in my life. I knew I had to crap and do it NOW! Luckily I was only 2 miles from my house when this started. The bad part, the guy in front of me was like 80 years old and driving 10 MPH slower than the speed limit. I finally made it home, flew into the house, ran into the bathroom and had exploding diarrhea. All I remember is my wife saying "That bad huh?" as I was running by. I also remember her making farting noises outside the door of the bathroom, in which I yelled "Leave me alone, I don't feel good". So was it the Brisk that brewed in my stomach for a day that did it? or was it the Iced Mocha? or a combination of both? Whatever it was, I think the lesson is, If it tastes rotten, then it is, and don't drink it. Also, McDonalds needs to stick with greasy fries and burgers, not fancy coffee drinks.